(or … why we should all listen to Viola Davis!)

I used to believe it was the most romantic phrase in all language – love of my life.

Wow!

In all of my life, before and henceforth, you are IT, baby. The BIG one. You are my soulmate. The ONLY one. You are my dream come true and no one else will ever come close. Set off those Disney fireworks, honey, because I finally found the answer to my prayers. YOU are the love of my life.

I guess it happens. Happens and sticks, I mean. I thought it happened to me once, I truly did. All of the above and add some more nauseating hyperbole if you want. Trouble is it didn’t stick. So now what? Am I done? Out of loves? I mean I’m still alive so I still have the life thing but since I previously anointed somebody the “love” thing and it didn’t work out, is it all over for me?

No. Because I carried on, learned some shit and decided the true love of my life was not some random Prince Charming dude. It was my son. My one and only son was the one and only true love of my life. And he is! He is certainly top of my love totem pole. The love I love the most. And I’m quite certain this love will endure.

But then I heard Viola Davis speak. Oh, how I love Viola Davis. And she talked about her own child, and about teaching her daughter that SHE was the love of her life. Her offspring was the love of her own life. Not momma’s life. HER life.

In other words, dear reader … YOU are the love of your own life.

You. Are. The. Love. Of. Your. Own. Life.

Or you should be.

Because you are the only person who will be with you non-stop for this entire glorious ride. You are the only person who can honestly make YOU happy. Others may bring happiness TO you or create joy WITH you but only YOU are in charge of your day-to-day emotions. Your victories. Your defeats. Your boredom and your exhilaration. YOU are the person you can count on. YOU are the somebody who has got your back. You are the leading character in your own memoir.

Most of us find this too difficult to accept because we feel it makes us seem selfish or egotistical. But when you think about it, isn’t it selfish and egotistical to expect some other human to meet all your needs? Gratify your appetites? Fulfill your most ardent dreams?

In my younger days, I actually believed that finding the love of my life would guarantee a happy ending to my challenging and dissatisfied existence. Like fairy dust, I thought a wee sprinkle of true love would solve all my problems and lead me (and my Prince) to everlasting harmony.

Nope.

That’s not to say that good love won’t enhance your life. And great love might detonate all-out pyrotechnics. I would be lying if I said it won’t matter if my son doesn’t find such emotion. It will. We are all built (to varying degrees) for relationship and partnership.

But relationship and partnership with oneself is SO important. The most important. What is that old saying? You can’t love someone else until you love yourself. Something like that.

So why not put yourself in the driver’s seat of your life and while you’re at it, make yourself the destination too. Treat yourself exactly as you would treat a person you adore with all your heart. Suck on all the oxygen you require first, so that you will have something in the tank to offer the other loves in your life. Don’t waste all your gas searching for the love of your life when she is staring at you in the mirror. Treat her with kindness and respect, serve her needs with grace and make HER the love of your life. Work hard for her and be proud of her.

Work hard for YOU and be proud of YOU. Make YOU the love of your life.

And then watch “other” love flow into your orbit. Because it will. The law of attraction dictates.

You are not only allowed to be the love of your own life, you should be.

Thank you, Ms. Davis.