Long week-ends are a source of joy. Whether you’re religious or not, an extra day of rest/fun/different is much anticipated and most often greatly enjoyed. Family, friends, festivities or just sleeping in – long week-ends are a source of joy.
Except when you’re newly single. When you’re newly single they’re kind of a mixed bag of what-now? And what-the-fuck?
It’s Good Thursday evening, which by all rights should be like a Friday evening except … my driveway is decidedly one vehicle shy of a party. Tomorrow is Good Friday, a day that might have in past years seen egg-colouring with my son, a matinee in the den and perhaps a friend or two for dinner. Except my son and I now live two hours apart, he’s too old to colour eggs and I live in a new town (enough said). Saturday would just be, well, regular Saturday fun and yes, thankfully, I’ve been invited to an afternoon social in my new town. And then it’s Easter Sunday … with baskets of goodies, egg hunts, ham with family and chocolate for dessert.
Just not for me.
I mean, I could have ham and chocolate with my sister and my mother a 2-hour drive away but honestly, I’m pretty sure I would feel pathetic. I’ve done this solo-holiday-tango too many times to believe being a smiley good sport can end well. With my son at his Dad’s and me, the newly spinstered (again) fifth wheel putting on a fake happy face, ham and chocolate have suddenly lost their appeal. I love my mom and my sis but I just saw them last week for my birthday and frankly that’s enough familial tears for one month.
So what’s a girl to do?
Most days, I’m pretty cool. Renewed spinsterhood was my idea and so, although lonely, I’m not wallowing in broken-heartedness. There’s always an errand to run, a road trip to make, yoga to share, wine to pour.
Except tomorrow – Good Friday – there is nothing but big fat nothing. I’ll tell you, the weirdest feeling in the world is looking forward to a day of big fat nothing. The kicker here is that most people covet these days, they dream of them, they long for them.
But for me they are quite simply – nothing, magnified. And I’ve got plenty of nothing already, thanks for asking.
However … without many other options, I have decided to embrace nothing tomorrow, whatever that means. It might suck, it might be splendid, I might sleep all day or I might start drinking and writing before lunchtime. On Saturday I shall briefly socialize and then on Sunday I shall damn the tradition torpedoes and eat a Spanish feast with friends in Toronto. My guess is we will drink cauldrons of wine, say Gracias too many times, I might sing an acapella version of Besame Mucho just for kicks and I will break with all tradition and spend Easter Sunday doing something I’ve never done before.
Because as they say – if you always do what you always did, you’ll always get what you always got.
I love my son, I love my family, I love ham and chocolate and I even love my ex-love. There will be other opportunities (I hope) to share love with them all. But on this long week-end I have decided it would be wisest to love myself. Love inward, so that outward love will again be possible. So I’m gonna do exactly what I wanna do. Given the options.
It’s Good Thursday evening and my driveway is one vehicle shy of a party. This long week-end may well be the longest on record. I’m already counting minutes.
That’s okay. You never know what good a Good Friday could bring. Maybe it’ll be Great Friday?
Bring it on, bunny.