I know that sounds highly namby-pamby but I do hope you’ll give me a moment to explain. Because I honestly need to try to explain it to myself.

A few weeks ago a good friend lent me a book – The Untethered Soul by Michael A Singer. I had heard of it (and him) but didn’t really know what to expect. Unfortunately I didn’t find the time (or impetus) to read the book and then my friend needed it back so … that was that. No soul untethered for me.

Until I got to thinking. What could it possibly mean? Having an untethered soul? What exactly are our souls tethered to? And why would we want or need to become unattached?

I decided to write my own book. Well, not a book exactly, but maybe a tiny treatise on the untethering of my own soul. Because I believe it ALL comes down to outcomes.

Outcomes. Results. Consequences. Finishes. And our attachment to them.

We are a society consumed with getting to the “ending” we want. We finish school so we can get a good job. We finish post-secondary so we can get an even better job. We get married so we can live happily ever after. We work out so we can be healthy and hot (maybe). Virtually every damn thing we do is designed to achieve something. Even when I go for my morning walk, when I commune with The Universe and revel in the stillness, the birds and the fresh air, I am working on my fitness. My blood pressure. And my mental health. I am walking for a REASON.

And then there are all the reasons that society places upon us, mores and codes and policies and standards that we feel compelled to adhere to so that we fit in. So that we don’t end up in jail. So that we don’t break commandments or become deviant. We exist in a constant battle to do what we want, get what we want and be who we want whilst at the same time doing, getting and being exactly who we are “supposed” to be.

According to … who?

It actually doesn’t really matter. The who is irrelevant. Because WE are the ones who make the choice to comply. WE are the ones who choose to be tethered.

And thus we arrive at Vickie’s Very Own concept of an Untethered Soul. Sorry Michael.

What if we end our attachment to outcomes? Or at least try?

My son is a musician. A very talented singer-songwriter. And now, on the eve of the release of his third (and very best!) album, I find myself (as always) praying for his success. Asking for universal validation for his talent and hard work. Begging for reward for ten years of music business slogging. Hoping beyond hope that the last piece of the puzzle – MAGIC – finally materializes. Because, as I said to him yesterday, he has done everything else. He has honed his talents and is writing his best songs ever. He has trained his voice and is singing beautifully. He has worked on “the package” at the gym and in his mind. He has learned to perform and he has learned to work social media and he has networked as much as integrity will allow. The only thing missing is … that big break. That morsel of magic that turns a really good musician into a successful one.

Outcome.

I am attached to the outcome. The result of my son’s gift and labours. The reward I believe he so deserves.

Outcome.

But not anymore. I am at least trying to release my tether to the outcome.

Because …. What does it matter? Would these last ten years of his be a waste if he doesn’t become a rich rock star? Would his original music be less valuable and treasured if it doesn’t earn a million streams? Would the rest of his life be doomed if he stopped pursuing music full-time and got a “real” job?

I can answer for an absolute fact – NO!

Because I lived it. I gave up full-time music when I was 31, without having a flipping clue where the rest of my life would take me. I just knew I was done with that chapter. Not the loving or making of music; just the trying to make money with music. None of that previous decade was a waste. Everything I did and learned and suffered led me to my next career (radio) which was completely unexpected and totally welcomed!

I was untethered without even knowing it.

And so now I will practice relishing the joy of my son’s musical journey, wherever it leads. It will lead somewhere and if that somewhere is unexpected and welcomed … even better!

What about thoughts?

We are usually quite tethered to our thoughts. We treat them as if they are gospel, as if we didn’t just make them up ourselves, as if they come into our brains via some divine guidance and must therefore be genuinely legitimate.

Hogwash.

It is up to US entirely to choose our thoughts, banish certain thoughts, ignore useless thoughts and cultivate positive thoughts. And I do believe one of the simplest ways to do that (and this goes for anxiety too) is – untether yourself from your thoughts. Let them pass through, acknowledge that yes, you thought them, but they don’t own you and they do not signify undeniable truth. Your thoughts are merely snapshots. Little polaroids of a moment in time, in your brain. Your thoughts WANT to lead you to an outcome. An outcome that, if not realized, will seem a failure.

But we don’t do outcomes anymore, right?

I’m not saying we shouldn’t have goals and work toward them. I am saying we shouldn’t be tethered to only one version of our own book. Our own story. Unlocking all possibilities will only happen when we abandon out attachment to only one possibility.

Even in relationships. And this was a big one for me to come to. Because ESPECIALLY in relationships we are bound to conventions and expectations. We are tethered to theories of ‘one life, one love’ or … FOREVER is the goal or … true friendship never dies … or we must love everyone in our family or … (it goes on and on).

This ultimately leads to us living in the future, which is kind of a big fat waste of the present. Because if you’re constantly worried about what will happen tomorrow, how can you possibly be sucking the life out of what is happening today? Why is it so difficult for us to simply accept any relationship for what it is in the moment and leave it at that?

I was never very good at marriage and to be frank, even at my advanced age the idea of legally tethering myself to another human still scares the hell out of me. So I won’t do it. I would rather choose to stay in relationship, choose to work on a life together and still maintain the freedom to choose the door if that is the eventual path. Now, I know a lot of folks will argue the merits of making a commitment and working hard and sticking to it etc. and I am in no way opposing those pursuits. I am just saying that, for ME, I feel much freer and untethered without some religious-based, man-made, legal construct binding my heart.

Even with non-romantic relationships, this applies. True friendships sometimes run their course. People change. Priorities alter. Geography impacts, blood isn’t always thicker than water and forever is an overused lyric.

What if we remain open? Open to the absolute truth of any relationship? And therefore open to the changes, developments and modulations – both good and bad – that inevitably occur. What if this untethering allows us to let go when we need to? Let go in love as opposed to hanging on for dear life, even when the hanging on is untenable? Perhaps if we were less tethered to our people and more present in free will, we could avoid completely that great quest for …

Outcome.

We could just live each day to its fullest. In gratitude. With complete presence.

I’m sure there are many other ‘things’ to which we are tethered but this is where I have chosen to begin my own personal work:

Outcome.

Thoughts.

Relationship.

We’ll see what happens. And I will now go and read the real book and discover what Mr. Singer has to say.  Stay tuned for Part 2 …