(and I don’t like it one bit.)

Have you ever been ghosted? I don’t mean by a potential new lover or friend or even someone you thought you were dating. I mean by someone who you had turned to for guidance and advice, someone who offered to be of assistance and then that very same someone just stopped responding?

That kind of ghosting. I might even go so far as to call it “professional ghosting” … a practice which speaks more to that person’s character than it ever will to my worth (or the worth of my work).

In my many decades as a radio host, I have been asked frequently for guidance and advice. To help get a song on the radio. To suggest how someone’s music might be improved. To listen, comment, applaud or criticize (gently). And you know what? If someone asks, I always reply with the same answer: I’m happy to listen but I will tell you the truth. MY truth. You can take it or leave it; that’s up to you. But please be forewarned, I will not sugarcoat.

That doesn’t always end well (especially if the person making the request is a friend) but … it always ends honestly. And it never ends in ghosting. 

Because quite frankly, ghosting is for babies. Emotionally immature egomaniacs who believe they are too important/busy/spineless to finish properly what they started. I will never understand it nor will I ever accept it as a viable adult response. 

As for my story…

I have recently embarked on a new project and discovered that a very old acquaintance was in the very business in which my project resides. So of course I reached out. This person kindly responded, offered assistance, even sent a sample of established work, to guide me.

I was thrilled. And grateful.

I then set out to “fix” my work, sent it back, waited several weeks, facilitated another fix, sent that back, waited another several weeks, and finally sent a quick missive saying: I know you’re busy. Just hoping for some feedback.

Nada. Many more weeks have passed and my in-box is empty.

Looks like I have been firmly, unpassionately, coldly and completely – ghosted.

Maybe my project is shit?  So what?  Maybe this person is REALLY busy? So what? Maybe I was asking for too much? So what? The dialogue had commenced.

Like I said, I’ve been on the other side enough times to know just how far some honest kindness can go.  And no one is too busy for a few lines of honest kindness.

This all makes me quite sad. No because I’m thin-skinned. I am not. But because as we age, and commence this final chapter of life, I would hope we have all learned kindness. Generosity. Decency and grace.

Ghosting is none of the above.

So just don’t. Don’t do it. 

Speak your truth, painful as it might be.

I can assure you, ghosting is more painful. For the other person. You know… that other person you have ignored.

We can all do better. And we should.