A few nights ago I was drinking wine with a friend and in between sips, nibbles of cheese and a brief discussion of my melancholy, she was bemoaning many things in her life. Some more or less out of her control (her health, the absence of her child, her dog’s old age) and some more a question of interpretation. Real estate, the selling of said, cleaning one’s house, keeping one’s house clean whilst cooking and a bunch of other things I don’t recall. After much discussion it appeared to me (one glass in) that there were some great things going on in her world and some other not-so-great things that were giving her immense grief. Some things that just seemed damned unfortunate for no particular reason.
And so I offered (in my ever-so-winesoaked-astute way) that she must have some bad karma happening. And she immediately replied “I know, right? But I’m pretty sure it all goes back to my stupid ex-husband and all the stupid things that happened with him!”
I didn’t respond to that comment because A) I was surprised by it and B) I could sense our chat might go even more sideways if I weighed in.
Because the thing is … I’m pretty sure that that is NOT how karma works. I’m pretty sure you cannot blame your current bad karma on something that someone else did 10 years ago. Or 5 years ago. Or 5 minutes ago. I’m pretty sure YOUR karma is all about what YOU do.
And so I looked it up (thanks Wikipedia): Karma refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual.
Nowhere does it mention the individual’s ex-husband and how his intent and actions could now be influencing her life. I’m pretty sure MY ex’s actions (or lack thereof) still colour my view of life but I am quite sure they in no way colour my karma.
Because my karma is ALL about me. It is all about ME and what I do every single day. Every single hour. Every single moment.
I have a chance to alter my karma a thousand times a day. With every decision I make and every action I undertake I am influencing my karma. It is not a static thing. It is ever evolving, ever fluid and ever changing all based on me and my choices. My actions. My darling ex-husband is completely off the hook. My current lover is off the hook. My parents are off the hook, my upbringing is off the hook and ALL of my friends are off the hook.
This IS all about ME.
Funny, because that is how our conversation ended. Well, our conversation AND our friendship.
Yes, another one bites the dust.
Go Vickie go!
You see, while she was attempting to wallow in her eternal victim-hood, I was (once again) attempting to drag her out of it. I was attempting to show her the forest, the trees, the bunny rabbits, the clover and the moss on the underbelly of that old tree. I was asking her to take responsibility for HER karma and just get on with it. Whatever IT is. I was trying to gently illustrate that her life was actually pretty darned peachy (some might say blessed) and blaming an ex husband and real estate agents and furniture stores was really counter-productive to embracing her peachy life and moving forward.
You want the universe to respond with positivity? Send positivity out there. Gratitude. Love. Forgiveness.
You want good karma? Do good things.
It is truly the simplest fucking equation on this good earth. Want good karma – do good things. Experiencing bad karma? Look really close at HOW you are approaching your life. I honestly don’t think Miss Karma cares much for victims. Miss Karma cares for ‘doers of good’.
This is not rocket science.
And just before you go accusing me of being a heartless bitch I will confess that yes, I have been feeling a bit melancholy of late and I did want to discuss this with her. Not victim-melancholy or his-fault-melancholy or even life’s-not-fair melancholy. Just Vickie-melancholy.
That’s when she told me I “always make it ALL about me.”
I actually put down my wine (hard to believe, I know) and said “Excuse me?”
And she repeated, in her best, calmest, most patronizing voice that I “always make everything about me. Always. Always have. Everyone knows it.”
Apparently I’ve never done a goddamned thing for anyone ever in the history of the fucking universe. It’s always been all about me.
The rest of y’all can weigh in on that or not and it won’t impact my self-esteem one bit because I already know better. I know who I am, I know what I do and I know what I give.
And here’s what else I know. It IS all about me. At least when it comes to my relationship with Miss Karma. Because that lovely broad has treated me very, very well over these last few years. I have no complaints with Miss K. I would like to believe she also has no complaints with me.
As for this (now ex) friend?
In the past few days I have been informed by THREE of my remaining pals (I do have more, honest) that I am a “collector”. I collect people and musicians and friends and fans and problems and issues and then more people and anyone who needs me or wants me or gains something from my acquaintance. I make room for everyone. I collect lost souls and found souls and searching souls and souls in pain and just hope that on some level I can help. If they need it.
This recent (last 2 years) departure of four (count ’em FOUR!) now-former pals is a tiny drop in the bucket. And no doubt a necessary one. Culling the herd, as they say. Making room for new energy more aligned with my own. And strangely enough that new energy is pouring in like wine.
Is there sadness? Yes. Regret? No. Melancholy? My new best friend.
I see the light. The tunnel is long but I see the light. Miss Karma is guiding me very step of the way. Because she is not a bitch (and neither am I).
She is the truth.
And if you do not like her truth then maybe it’s time to reexamine your own.